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 Its a Nightmare.

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Sumire

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Surname Name: Sumire Kyokan
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PostSubject: Its a Nightmare.   Sun Aug 25, 2013 9:29 pm

Amami Island.....why had he come here again? Oh yes the Three Mercies wanted him to come and welcome the new Head Priestess and give her temple there blessing. He hadn't made it that far yet. Arrived here three days ago and having to take care of a few other things along the way ended him with here tonight. Tomorrow he planned on going and meeting with the High Priestess the Head Miko of the Shrine and welcome here into the fold.

That was tomorrow though....or rather a little later on today after the sun finished cresting the sky and the day wasn't looking as dark as his mood was. Last night..........had been hell. He laid there now in a pool of his own blood mixed with...........various other things......the bed and he himself was saturated with it. He still wasn't sure what they had put in his food but it had been a spiraling nightmarish trip. Getting up and lowering his hand which he had been staring at the back of while lost in thought he got up and cringed as that sent this annoying spike of pain right through his backside up his spine and jolted him enough to grab at the nearest thing to him.

Not good he had to shake that off. Noone had come last night no one had other then the goons who thought it would be fun to 'fuck a monk' oh there was a special place for those lovely men and women and the stuff they had slipped into his dinner was wearing off.

Walking into the bathroom he cleaned up washing as pink ran down the drain in the bathroom and sighed. Of course it would be pink he stood there for a while letting the water scald away the sin that saturated his frame. Let the water burn away at his shame and his torment.

He after a while cleaned up and sighed before getting out and drying off, dressing once he was sure he wasn't likely going to start bleeding or something again and headed out putting his golden crown on along the way he didn't report it. What was there to report? He could barely remember what they looked like let alone what they had done to him if not for the remnants left behind in his body he would not know.

Tenrai Sanzo walked out of the inn and looked up at the sky putting on his golden crown the cloth falling down behind him from the crown and began walking not in any real big hurry to make it to the temple he had come here for three days ago. He walked along through the trees lost in thought walking lightly seemingly to float in order to avoid aggravating in the injury any further. Once there he sighed and looked up wondering what Gungen was up to. Even though he could so clearly sense and feel the two sutra's that Gungen guarded ahead of him. He walked feeling irritation slowly starting to build there was no indication of what happened to him no signs of the night he had had before and for that he was suddenly glad. Having a feeling things were about to get crazy.

Tenrai walked up as Gungen spoke revealing that he had.......with.....Tenrai looked over at the priestess with deep hair and wide eyes. A skirt. A girl a tart. She said something about her name and he'd not give it to her. No..........not right now and one thing lead to the next he had not thought it possible but after slamming into the ground behind him from sitting on Gungen the pain in his back had become more intense. He had no desire to even begin to work in his caliber as a monk wanting instead to leave and rest to go back to sleep and forget about all of this.

He would not give that Tart a name. Nor would he tell Gungen the hell he went through the night before. It was his burden no one elses. And he would deal with it as he dealt with everything else in his life...........'Hold onto nothing so tightly that you can not bare to loose it.'
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Sumire

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PostSubject: Re: Its a Nightmare.   Sun Aug 25, 2013 11:23 pm

He walked through the woods on the way back having dealt with them and now just wanting to get back to the inn. The sudden landing on his back had sent pain ripping up through his spine reminding him that he really wasn't in any condition to be out and about not that he'd say it or even go for help for it. No. He'd simply deal like he dealt with everything else that was a problem in his life.

Tenrai walked through the woods lightly with the same grace that he moved about every day of his life he knew he probably should have told Gungen but to what purpose? Other then possibly making making him feel guilty about chasing a skirt it wouldn't solve anything. Tenrai couldn't even begin to describe what they looked like. No there was no point. Gungen swore he loved them both.

Tenrai walked through the woods and back into town walking into the inn and looked at the inn keeper who was looking at him with this sympathetic look. Mentioning something about a hot spring out back Tenrai nodded and made his way there not wanting a doctor to poke and prod at him he chose instead to walk out there changing and grabbing a towel as he walked out sinking down into the water and hissing under his breath. That hurt but it hurt far less then he already was or perhaps because he was hurting it didn't seem so bad.

He knew he was raw and sore. Leaning back in the water against the edge he closed his eyes and tipped his head back so that he seemed to be looking up at the sky. His eyes were closed. Lifting one hand he opened his eyes to stare at the back of it again and narrowed them. Accept Azumi no......he didn't think he could ever truly accept her. Tolerate her perhaps but never accept her. A name? Tart worked he would never address her by name. Never......and then there was the funny little thing about the 'Welcoming the new head of the Temple and saying a blessing for it and continued prosperity.' Thing he was supposed to be doing. As much as he didn't want he didn't want to bless anything that she had he knew he had to. He had to go back there tomorrow offering his welcome and the blessing for the temple even if he wanted to say screw you. That was an order from the three Mercies so he could not ignore it no matter how much he wanted to.

Tenrai sighed as he sat there and closed his eyes he knew it would be foolish to fall asleep here but at the same token the heat and minerals of the water made his back hurt less and less and so for now he rested with his eyes closed. Gungen had said he was going out hunting fine......it meant he was alone for a while.
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Sumire

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Surname Name: Sumire Kyokan
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PostSubject: Re: Its a Nightmare.   Mon Aug 26, 2013 1:16 am

Tenrai had gone back to the room it was cleaned up now of course and he was in one of the house robes long purple and comfortable laying on the bed resting arm thrown over his eyes. It was one of those days he swore it was. His body still ached terribly. He heard the door open didn't need to look because he could sense it feel who it was. The duel sutra's giving him away as the other walked in and up to the bed. He opened one eye looking at the sight before him. Tired covered in blood no doubt swore and this sad broken 'I just lost my best friend' look on Gungen's face.

Tenrai sighed as he shifted sitting up and reaching for his cigarettes grabbing them he looked over at him and shook his head. "Why do you look like it's the end of the world when you look at me?" Tenrai asked just a touch confused since he hadn't said anything about what happened the night before.

"Because I know......" he answered lowly as he kept looking at him with that same sad, broken look.

Tenrai sighed as he lit the cigarette. "So because you know.........you look like you just lost something? I told you already didn't I? Your not so lucky a bastard." He answered as he inhaled and sighed leaning back. "Or is it the fact that I didn't say anything that bothers you?"

"It's the fact that you didn't say anything, and the thought...that they put hands on you...that they touched you with their filthy hands and looked at you with their eyes...they saw what was mine...they touched what was mine..and I..." he just closed his eyes and went down to his knees, sitting there behind Tenrai, staring at him sadly as blood matted his hair to his face. "I was no where to be found..."

Tenrai sighed. "I didn't say anything because I'm not so petty to make you feel like this." He said shrugging as he as he looked ahead of him aware of how close they were. He turned though and looked at him. "No." He agreed he wasn't. He hadn't been there he had been with Azumi. "What is done is done. There was nothing to be said. I could barely remember there faces only what they left me with. So talking about it would serve no other purpose other then wounding you. One being hurt was enough as far as I was concerned although you figured it out quickly enough."

"I could smell them...all over you, your hair, your clothes..." he said lowly, ignoring the fact that Tenrai had said that he didn't want him to look like this. It was too late now. He was already soaked in their blood. "Petty or not...I want to know when someone hurts you...because I want to be able to be there for you...even if you claim not to struggle with it...if nothing else...let me be there to cry for you..."


Tenrai sighed as he closed his eyes. "You can be there but I don't need tears. This is far from the worst that has been done to me." He said shrugging and opened his eyes. "Being born with these.......doesn't make life easy......more like outcasted. So this........." He shrugged and took another drag it was part of the reason he started smoking. It kept his nerves in check. "This is just another drop in the bucket. I suppose that's why........tears no longer come for me."

"Regardless of what you want, I will cry for you and I will get angry for you...I will do anything for you...because that..." he said lowly as he leaned down and smiled at him. "I just how much I truly am in love with you."

Tenrai sighed as he got up and walked into the bathroom coming back out again in a moment with a bowl and water as well as a rag, he dropped the now spent cigarette into the tray he was using to catch them and sat down. Dipping the rag in the water he shook his head. Love........love he was coming to discover was such a fickle thing. "I can't stop you from crying or getting angry those are your emotions." He said as he whipped the blood splatter from his face already tired of seeing it there. "You can say that even knowing that this body has been soiled by there sin?"

"I can love you no matter what you do or say. Even if this love comes to end with you tearing my heart from my chest..." he answered him lowly as he sat there, letting Tenrai clean his face and took off his blood soaked clothes. "I can love you so long as you can love me for what I've done..."

Tenrai looked at him quietly as long as he could love him for what he had done. He finished cleaning the blood off and sighed. "If your referring to the query of your hunt yes I can forgive you.....if your referring to the 'Tart' well........I don't hate you or do I intend on letting go..........but I want nothing to do with her."

Closing his eyes, he sighed. It was as close to an acceptance he would ever come to, and he knew that, but still...the sting was there, and he would never be able to fully get rid of the twinge of pain he felt each time Tenrai ignored her name. "I'm fine with that....as long as you don't leave...that would be the end of the human side of me..."

Tenrai looked at him quietly a moment or two before sighing and shifting setting the bowl down off to the side and closed his eyes. "I have to return there to preform my duties but that is as far as it will go. I will welcome her as 'Head Priestess' of that Temple and I will give it blessing..........but after that I will not step foot on those grounds again." He could not stand the sight.............of that woman's face.

There it was again...that twinge. Clenching his fists a little, he spoke lowly, "Do what you want..." but what he didn't say was, 'It won't change anything...'

Tenrai looked at him quietly a moment or two. Before lifting the bowl and standing. "I will.......of course so will you. I'll be sure to take better precautions each night you spend sleeping with Azumi........." He said but he wasn't looking at him. An acknowledgement that he knew her name well enough. "So don't come in........not unless you want to be shot. It won't be safe to enter the room until morning." he said calmly as he walked towards the bathroom to get rid of the soiled water.

"I'll take my chances..." he told him lowly, as he looked back at Tenrai, smirking. "I like the thrill of it...the thoughts that you could kill me...the one who guards the sutra of life and death..."

Tenrai looked back at him then and shrugged before walking off. "You've been warned......." He paused at the door frame. "But don't bring her here. I know you go there to her that's enough."
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Sumire

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Surname Name: Sumire Kyokan
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PostSubject: Re: Its a Nightmare.   Mon Aug 26, 2013 12:13 pm

Tenrai's fingers tensed slightly on the door frame. He didn't look back how could he? He knew no matter what he said or did Gungen would still return to her. Would still sleep with her and then come here afterwards. Azumi seemed fine with it but he was the one having problems and those problems weren't likely to go away any time soon. Then there was the fact that he was feeling incredibly sick right now. Certain he was running a fever and his body ached terribly even if he was hiding it.

No.....he closed his eyes and walked into the bathroom letting the door close behind him tipped the bowl and watched the pink water wash down the drain. 'I need to know if your hurt' how those words stung when he said them. He could handle the pain in his body because it didn't hurt nearly as much............as this did. He set the bowl down grabbed the edge of the sink and held on as he felt sick to his stomach. Let go of the bond of one..........who was he kidding? Arriving there earlier today had felt like a blow worse then anything those goons had done to him. Anything......to know that the one he had called lover called partner had not returned because........he was sleeping with another. Tenrai felt the heat roll down his face and brought his hand up to touch the tears. 'Idiot these won't solve anything..........nothing will change from this point and I know it. He will continue to go to her............continue to sleep with her...........and continue to come to me as if nothing is wrong.' he thought bitterly to himself.

He wasn't the sort to let another see his tears or his pain and so he kept it hidden away. How much it hurt to know not only did he spend the night that Tenrai was drugged and rapped in the arms of that woman, but that he would continue to go back to her because he loved them both..........which was why Tenrai felt there was no point in telling him when someone hurt him. When someone hurt his body. The body was nothing compared to the other to know that his lover that the one he had given his heart to was in love with another as well tore at him. No.......he would keep it to himself. As he would keep all pain to himself.

There was no point in complicating things further in telling him when he was hurting. In causing sorrow to flow all around him. He would do his duty and welcome her as head priestess and cast a blessing on the shrine. He would do as he was supposed to as they willed it to be and then.........he wasn't sure. He knew he had a summons waiting for him that he had not told Gungen of. That he didn't think he would tell him of. Tenrai moved according to the will of the Mercies who worked for Buddha. If they directed him to move he would move. He would not tell Gungen because it would be hard for Gungen to choose to leave her or travel with him. Or worse yet............that priestess deciding she was going to travel with them to be with Gungen. No..........for the sake of his sanity if he moved to do as they willed and he would he knew he would..........he would leave and leave him behind with her.

This was Tenrai's nightmare alone to bear it was his fault for falling in love for forming a bond. For becoming bound to someone. He had failed the teachings in that aspect he became too close to someone and in the process had been hurt by it. That knowledge allowed him to dry his tears before his face became red. Before his eyes showed and gave them away he splashed his face down with cold water...........no he would not make Gungen choose. The light.....he had said he was in love with the light and he was upset with them for touching what was *his* for looking at what was *his* so why then was it so hard for Gungen to understand why.......Tenrai couldn't stand the girl for touching what was his for sleeping with Gungen for drawing his attention for falling in love with him and visa versa.

Why couldn't he understand.........."It's the same thing." he breathed lowly. The feelings of anger and sorrow. Of betrayal and upset that broken look Gungen had given him it was the same as what Tenrai felt inside so why was it so hard for Gungen to understand.......that as much as what those men and women did to Tenrai rapped him took him and looked at him. At him who Gungen felt was his alone, that Tenrai was not supposed to be upset, supposed to be warm and welcoming to the girl that had stolen away Gungen........a part of him. Touched him looked at him.........

"It's the same damn thing........" Tenrai said lowly burying his face in his hand. "And I'm not supposed to be upset about it?" He breathed to himself. "I'm not supposed to be upset knowing that she's touching you........that she's looking at you, that she is holding you. You who is supposed to be mine as am I yours? I'm not supposed to feel betrayed or hurt by it.........I may be marked by Buddha but......I am still just a man.......you expect too much of me. I can't accept the woman who steals you away. Don't ask it of me Gungen.........because I just can't......." He said lowly into the flow of water around him his face not far from the sink speaking to an empty room lowly just above a dull whisper. "As hurt as you felt knowing I was taken by them.....you think I won't be hurt every time you go to her..........knowing you are taking another to your bed.......I will never accept her.......I can't accept her........nor can I accept her taking what was mine." he breathed lowly as much as he was Gungen's. No........he couldn't accept or forgive her for that. And with that thought the tears began to flow again. And once again he forced himself to stem them off and reached into his robes pulling out the rolled up scroll. The writing inside would glow......

He had two options go and preform the ceremony and bless that shrine and her, then go and find what they were sending him to find. Or two leave soon without preforming the blessing ceremony and they would send another Monk in the area to do the blessing instead. At this point he would rather they send another Monk. He would rather leave and cut loose of these painful bonds before anything more broke inside of him.

To look at him so broken so full of sorrow. To say to him 'do as you will' but the unspoken words between them as will I. or 'It will change nothing' It would not change Gungen's going there and at the moment part of Tenrai wanted to be selfish and tell him to choose between them the other knew such a thing was not possible and so to make things cleaner and simpler he realized he really only had one choice in the matter. To walk alone with Buddha again. To sever the bond and leave Gungen and Azumi to each other because the other...........tore him apart inside. And he couldn't be that selfish.

Tenrai put the scroll back into the pocket of the kimono he was wearing and sighed as he righted himself and turned no signs of the tears he washed his face several times after and dried off before closing his eyes. To once again enter the room Gungen was in he steadied himself and walked in. This......would perhaps be the last time he saw him. He would not make Gungen choose one could not more choose there heart then choose there appearance in life. And so he would not make him choose but he would not choose to stay either. They had willed it he would move.

~*~

He sat there as Gungen cleaned up perched on the edge of the window sill. Staring out at the night sky with the moonlight shining off of his hair as if a halo. The sad thing was he kept going back and forth with leaving without a word to Gungen. With walking out and leaving him a letter to find later. And would have probably if he wasn't waiting for the fever to calm down.

One leg was slightly bent the gun in his hand not an ordinary gun he wasn't a Monk and carry a gun like anyone else a banishing gun fired sacred rounds that banished evil spirits. Pretty much harmless against a human unless of course one shot themselves in the head with it. Then again Shot anything in the head and it was pretty much dead.

He sat there though wondering where the flaw was. No doubt in himself somewhere as he seemed to be the only one having a problem with this whole situation. Gungen wanted it and Azumi? That damn'd tart wanted it as well wanted to be with Gungen. Knocked him on his damn ass to get close to him to boot. Even if she hadn't meant to she had.

Now? He closed his eyes and tipped his head back turning it to fully look out the window as the moonlight made the natural gold in his hair glow. Making him look like something ethereal.

He could still hear the sounds of the bath so as he stared at the night sky he let them fall again. The tears the sooner he got it out of his system the better. Let Gungen think what he wanted about them............Tenrai had no intention at all of telling him the reason for them.
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Sumire

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Surname Name: Sumire Kyokan
Courtesy Name: Sumi
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PostSubject: Re: Its a Nightmare.   Mon Aug 26, 2013 11:33 pm

Tenrai woke he didn't really remember leaving the window sill and going to bed but that is where he woke in the bed with Gungen holding him. Apparently he had not left the night before. Had not gone to the temple as Tenrai had been certain he would since they seemed to be at odds. But he awoke here with Gungen holding him the fever seemed to have broken as well. What did he use the Sutra of life the Uten Sutra on him while he slept? When had he fallen asleep? Why did Gungen persist on making this so very hard for him?

He laid there awake staring at the far wall with the arms around him breathing steady trying not to alert the one who held him that he was awake if Gungen himself was. He laid there not saying anything at the moment not wanting to say anything but he closed his eyes. He had to and he knew it. He had told him that he would not just up and leave him and now that his head was clear and no longer raging with fever he could think clearly again.

"Are you awake?" Tenrai asked into the room after a moment or two of silence. Not sure if he'd get an answer or an grunt. "There is something..........we need to talk about........"

Gungen sighed softly the words opened the floor. Opened things up to allow him to speak. "We do.........because there are things.........you need to know....."

Tenrai tensed and closed his eyes half not expecting an answer this early in the morning. ""What................is it that I need to know......" the words were low almost whispered as if afraid of what else he would this morning.


"Rakshasa..."
he said lowly as he opened his white eyes to stare at Tenrai. "I'm not completely human...it's why...the things you do and say confuse me so..."

Tenrai closed his eyes as he laid there. "Confused? About what?"

"This world..." he answered him lowly. "I was raised half of my life as a Rakshasa...and now...being thrust here without any understanding of it...it's both painful and confusing..."

Tenrai sighed. "Painful and confusing........" he opened his eyes to stare at the wall ahead of him as his back rested against Gungen. "I suppose you really don't understand at all why I can't stand her then?"

"I don't...in my world...this...is natural...and expected..." Gungen answered him lowly, sadly. "I don't...understand much of this world and it's people..."

Tenrai sighed and shifted sitting up to look at him not expecting to be giving lessons here and now but. He moved to lean back against the headboard and looked down at him reaching for his cigarettes he lit one and closed his eyes. "It's not natural here." he said lowly as he exhaled eyes closed. "Here it is natural to have a bond a deep meaningful bond with one.......do you remember how you felt when you caught there scent on me?"

"I do..." he answered lowly, looking down at his hands sadly. He had been wrong...and now...he would never be able to take it back..."I was wrong...and...I don't even understand...." he told Tenrai lowly as he pulled his knees up to hug them and buried his face in them, feeling tears threaten to fall.

"Here......when two people are together they belong solely to each other." he said as he reached out and placed his hand on top of Gungen's head. "That feeling you had when they touched me is the same for me at the idea that she has seen you, she has touched you....that she has 'taken what is mine'." Tenrai said looking at him sighing softly as he did. "She's alright with it because it allows her to steal you away from me little by little. And there's nothing I can do to stop it. I can't end that pain Gungen as you have. I can't stop the one who touches you from touching you." He took a deep breath and sighed leaning back. "It hurts.........but there's nothing I can do."

"You can leave..." he told him lowly. "I've already done enough to crush you...if you stay...what more would I do?" he asked lowly, as he kept his face buried in his knees. "I don't understand anything in this world...so why...why should you choose to stay with someone who will only hurt you?"

He could leave. He had debated it during his fever he had been soo very angry. Tenrai closed his eyes before opening them and looked down at his head. "No I couldn't." he said lowly softly as his hand moved soothingly though his hair. "Because I love you. I am in love with you Gungen. That is part of it you end up hurting the ones you love the most but at the same token the relationship grows stronger for the bonds you make while healing along the way." Tenrai looked at him sadly as he spoke. "I can't leave because as much as this hurts. Loosing you would hurt even more."

"But why..." he asked lowly as he rose his head to look at Tenrai. "I don't understand you...I'm only half human...so this world...all of it is confusing...please Tenrai...tell me...am I a bad person?"

"Baka" he said lowly softly almost gently for the way Tenrai himself was. "I would not be so in love with a bad person. Your not bad Gungen not knowing doesn't make you bad. Naive and innocent to the wrongs of this world but not bad." he said as his hand slide through Gungen's hair. "Your not a bad person Gungen. You couldn't be and be with me."

Tenrai sighed as he reached into the pocket of his kimono and pulled from it the small rolled scroll with the enchanted glowing lettering no mistaking where it was from. The Mercies had called for him. "Gungen, the Mercies have sent for me after the blessing of the temple I have to leave Amami Island wither you stay or come with me is up to you."

"There is something.........they want me to find." Tenrai said as he held the scroll in his hand.
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